NEW

So its been ages since my last post. Time to recap on my boring existence. If I can recall the last time I posted I was speaking about my depression and how it was getting better and so on. Well this last semester was by far the hardest. There were so many times when I collapsed on my bed wishing it would all be over. The truth of the matter is, as I continue my academic career, I realize more and more that I never wanted one in the first place. I'm not a "school" person. I hate applying my creativity and energy to stupid projects that will never see the light of day outside a classroom. For me, practicality and real experience have always been more exciting and as I keep diving deeper into Parson,I come to more of a realization that I'm only in it for the stupid degree at the end of the tunnel. The college degree has become the new hight school diploma. Masters degrees have become the new college degrees. If I werent 3/4ths of the way in, I probably would have run off by now. Oh, I've forgot to mention my new endeavor. I have stumbled upon a way to go to Japan for free, and get a salary attached to it. In rough economic times like these, what could be better? You get to venture to a part of the world that you've always wanted to visit and you have a good job attached to it. Sign me up! Of course my friends think I'm crazy, but whats new. Friends. There's a whole new chapter of the book. New York has certainly changed me, and for the most part, turned me into the person I've always wanted to be, but in other ways it's made me realize that there's certain things I cant change. Friends are one of them. I joke and tell people that I get a new pair of friends every year, but, guess what? It's true. Whether I like it or not I'm constantly seeking change and that means living in a new place every year, doing different things every semester, and yes, being surrounded by an ever-changing group of people. Things are no different, in that respect, than how they were in high school. I had my best friends that I could talk to about almost anything, and then I had my friends that were in the in-crowd who I'd go out to lunch with and party with. Here its the same way. Those who I go out with are very different than those that I can have a serious conversation with, as with those that I work with. Becoming an RA has been the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I knew I was always ready to do it, but I dont think I understood how much of my life it would consume. The layers of relationships have become unbearable. Residents,fellow RAs, supervisers, even security and maintenance. And someone is always talking about someone. But, what else is new? It's a giant building with vibrant personalities all forced to live in the same house. Talk about real world. Just add 600 freshmen to the mix and you're good. I guess what I'm trying to say kids, is that life doesn't get easier as you go along. It gets harder. And not just harder, but more complicated. Going to school, going to work, going to your internship, doing your hw, getting a drink with friends etc. And thats leaving out boys. Oh the boys. For some reason whenever I'm at my busiest, they start to rain on me. I've met someone knew. Out of pure coincedence and timing, this new gentleman stepped into my life. He's cute and brand new to the scene, from a place far away. We just recently started hanging out more and more but guess what? I'm over it. As would be expected. You know me, when anyone gets too close, my defense mechanism pushes myself further away. Sometimes I question whether I could handle a relationship at all. So much dedication. You lose yourself in a way, I feel. You become a part of something greater which to many people would be wonderful, but to me its an intrusion. As much as I had fun with this new lad, my heart is still attached to a certain other person. And I hope they feel the same way. And now as I sit here typing away my woes on christmas eve I leave you.

TILDA GONE WILD

So Tilda Swinton is by far one of my favorite actors of all time. And I don't have many. I'm sure I've expressed my disgust over celebrity culture and its tumor sister industry the media. However, there are still actors who are embody the true nature of acting. I not only love her aesthetic, but her entire essence exudes chic and class. That's why it was amazing to see her in a role that completely undermines her typical roles. She constantly challenges herself to become different people and she is so successful at morphing into these characters that one is utmost convinced. In Julia, a film directed by Erick Zonca, Swinton plays an alchoholic woman at the brink of hitting rock bottom. Forced into a rehab center she befriends a young woman who is on a quest to kidnap her own son from her father in law. She asks Julia (Swinton) to help her and Julia embarks on a quest to extort money from the boy's mother herself. Crossing the border, losing the boy in the desert and fighting off mexican gangsters, this movie was amazing. Every second was thrilling. WATCH IT BIETCH!

NO TEARS

So my depression is gone. Or so I think. For a while I felt uneasy and flustered. I still dread school, but its now bearable. Eating good food with friends and the promise of a weekend is good. I still yearn for a time when hw is something I laugh at in the past. This week I start at OAK. I've yet to have an interview with Bergdorffs for that buying internship. And yet another interview at Odin for a possible sales job. Why must there only be 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 30 days in a month? I can barely squeeze in a meal or a shower anymore let alone sleep. Hopefully all this work pays off somehow, somewhere. I really hope Jorden goes through with our business proposition. Sometimes I just want to let it all go and jump out of the clasps of this routine. I will miss the Duckies and their uber-fabulousness. I'm going to miss going with them to their fabric appointments, running to Barneys to pick up samples and to the shirt factories in NJ. Oh the memories of riding a million hours in a car singing Total Eclipse of the Heart and stopping for bagels in the middle of nowhere. I hope they'll continue to see me. They've yet to find my replacement. The year's wheels are beginning to roll and I can sense that I'm already running a bit behind. Hopefully I'll snap to my senses and get organized or I'll soon be all over the place.

HELLL

So slowly my life is falling to shambles. I'm obviously way over my head with this RA job. Not that I cant handle it, but its been so much work already and I'm sure it will only get better...NOT. If it weren't for the precious moments inspiring bright-eyed freshmen I don't know what I'd do with myself. What part of 600 freshmen didn't I read on the contract? I'm hoping these are the first few months of hell before the good times ahead. My life seems to be disintegrating in more than one way too. First of all I'm man-less since Ohio has left me for good taking a job at some after school shenanigan. My friends seem more annoyed of my evil ways than ever which is a great feeling. I mean who do you count on when you've had a hard day and all you want is to relax and let it all out and even your support seems to hate you. I'm broke, which is no surprise considering I've been a resident lazy-ass all summer without a job or source of decent income. If there's anything I look forward to more after school its the ability to be somewhat self-reliant. Its so frustrating to see that your family as hard as they may try are never as financially well-off as they should be to keep me in the frivolous lifestyle I lead. My main core class in Design and Technology (WTF am I doing with my life?) was mysteriously dropped causing me to remake a whole new schedule a week before class. Awesome! Here goes another year of intrigue, copious amounts of work and ounces of true satisfaction. Please tell me things are going to get easier or what's the point. Why not just drop out of school and live paycheck to paycheck being a manager at Barnes and Nobles or some shit. Just as it all seems to fall to pieces, I remember that if I was back home my life would be more of joke because being a manager would probably be the equivalent to a Harvard Grad in a world where bonfires and keg parties are the highlights of the week. BARF. One day I'm going to read this and think to myself, "How did I manage to get through that" and "God I'm so not that person anymore". I mean at the end of the day isn't it everyone's dream to live a bohemian/hipster existence. Thank god its just a phase. One that I cant wait to surpass. Memo to self I'm a lot more eloquent when inebriated. Take that Gabz I can read AND write and it's Langliscious if I do say so myself. Good night y'all and good riddance.

NIGHTDRIVE

So I got back on tuesday and its been nothing, but running up and down the city. Going home this time REALLY made me realize that it's not my home anymore and that slowly I've begun to hate where I'm from. Everything remains the same or some version of the way it was once. In some ways this is beautiful, in others its depressing. My parent's God bless them have not changed at all and my friends seem to be frozen in their tracks. I feel for them, but in a way know that they'll never understand who I am anymore. The city casts a spell on people. Soon enough you cant bare to be away from it too long. The daily grind, the parties, the people, the feeling of everything in the world coming together in one place is mystifying. My friend Savannah was staying with me for a bit sorting out her apartment drama. It really scares me to think of the arduous task of finding a place once I leave my RA service. The paperwork, the roomates, the crazy formalities, but I still cant wait. Cant wait to truly have a place of my own. Somewhere I can paint, fill with furniture and keep a dog. I don't care what anyone says, I still want a dog. Huge responsibility no doubt, but its something I've never been able to have in my life. It's funny but true what they say that when you stop looking for that special someone, all these people pop out of the blue. I've met a really nice person, but once again distance is the obstacle and in fear of growing too attached I've distanced myself. I've taken the liberty of sharing some of my home with y'all.

HOMEWARD BOUND

So sunday I'm off to the golden state and to the county of oranges. Its funny that I really haven't been thinking about going home.
I'm scared to think that I'm sort of excited. I feel like it will be better since I'm only going for about a week so I'll get to see everyone and eat some good food and get the hell out of there. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends back home, but its become so depressing. I feel like everyone stays frozen in their dead end jobs and lame careers. Even my friends who went to good schools like USC or UCLA are studying nursing or pharmaceuticals. No one seems any bit ambitious and they just give me stares and disdain for leaving. That's another thing that I hate. SMALL TALK. Get the fuck out of here. How many times do I need to tell you about what I'm studying and where I go to school. Its sad really. On the positive side I get to get away from the city a bit. Lately I've been feeling so flustered by all the people (tourists) and just really want to be alone in a park somewhere or just away from all the crowds which is so hard here. PS: Have you guys ever heard of the most hated family in America? They are fucking crazy. Every other word out of their mouth is Hell or Fags. That pretty much sums up their faith. A bunch of ignorant hick sign holders. They preach the word of God through hate. I don't remember Jesus ever damning people to hell or calling people faggots. LOL. People like them are the reason why everyone hates America. They're so lucky they live in a world and a country where people can say whatever they want. Regardless, they truly are testing the borders of free speech by protesting at dead soldiers' funerals. Its so sad that they bring their children up in hatred. There's a scene in this BBC documentary where a car drove past and threw something at one of the children wounding him. Those kids are innocent and have no clue what they're doing, yet they pay the price for being raised by ignorance and blasfemy. I guess it really hit home because I myself was raised a Jehova's Witness. In no way am I saying that they are similar, but there was a sense of responsibility attached to knowing the approaching final days. In contrast tho, we were taught to educate people with respect, love and compassion for our fellow man not damn them or hate man for his beliefs. There was also similarities in feeling of being part of a cult. If you're in you're in, if you're out you're out. There was never an in between, which I guess is true of almost any religion but this family was just amazing in the fact that they were completely guided by an obvious bigot and a legion of one minded crones. Below is the link to this touching documentary that shows how far people are willing to go to prove they are Gods chosen people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT_WHiHaXdw

COMING TOGETHER

I took him home last night. Its really strange the way he is with me. He's genuinely interested which I know sounds ridiculous but I've been so used to chasing after people who could care less or being attacked by younger overzealous cling-ons. Its strange to meet at the middle when both people are equally interested. Enough about my lurrve life. On the career side of things I had an interview today at Oak for a buying internship. Headquarters are in Greenpoint, Brooklyn which is pretty out of the way but oh well. They pretty much hired me on the spot which is great. They seemed really laid back and Oak is my favorite store in NYC by far and a giant discount with lunch is incentive for me as it is. I love Oak because its not just any other store its really building a lifestyle. I wouldn't be starting until next fall. The Duckies love me and continue to shower me with gifts, clothing and connections. Its so funny that we get along so well. We pretty much finish each others sentences its getting ridiculous. They even offered me a possible sales position at Odin which would be amazing. Gabrielle has her internship at Barneys. Did I mention its paid? She hates it. I don't blame her either after all marketing isn't the most exciting dept. Gilfriend aka Miss Hayley is in Paris as we speak being a responsibe RA to pretween Parsons summer students. Ross is back from his semester in Paris and his lazy ass has been hitting the spots with us. I'm going home to the golden shower state soon. In a week to be exact. I'm getting excited to tell you the truth. I'm looking forward to only being around for a week. It always feels like a giant press conference going home. And everyone asks the same questions. I'm just happy life seems to be finally coming together. PS: Been listening to a lot of Boards of Canada. They are pretty much amazing and are the perfect soundtrack to these black summer days.